Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
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I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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