his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
