peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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