I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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