R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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