I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks