i think my mom watched the whole time
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.