do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.