kristin has been a bad kristin
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊