Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.