I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.