just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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