He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
