3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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