I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
