70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
