Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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