I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
