Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
