My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Help. Why am I so naked?
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