shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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