...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I understand Curling. That high.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
