I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
