The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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