Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I deserve this hangover.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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