I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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