Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
