we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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