just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
