You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
