Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
