Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
