I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
