I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
