So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
