chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
