bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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