Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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