I can text with my tongue
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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