also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My dick has a subreddit
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
