I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
