One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
