so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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