oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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