I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
