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do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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