You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
