I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
