I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
