This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
