I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
