i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
