It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
