Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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