and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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