the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
