also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
