i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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