Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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