Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
