Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia