I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.