i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!