I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.