I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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