i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Small penises have feelings too.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
