I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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