I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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