Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
