This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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