Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
