So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
