i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
