i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
