Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
