a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I will pee on everything he values.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
