I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
