he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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