It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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