Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
