i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How does one acquire holy water?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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