nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
