My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
