Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
