Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
