I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
